My Granny...Mmm-hmph!

Okay, yesterday I was trying to travel to Atlanta and called my Granny to let her know that I wouldn't be around. She almost had a fit for me trying to travel after our snowstorm. After hitting I-85, I decided the roads were too bad so I resigned my attempt and went home. I called her back to tell her so. "Praise God, I prayed for you to be safe and to stay home." (I paraphrased her words, but that's the gist of it.)

She went on to say how God answered her prayers so fast. "If God answers your prayers that fast then why don't you pray for me a mate?" I joked. Whooaaa -- too much for her. That started a whole new conversation. She said, "I won't pray for that because you ain't ready." What??? How does she figure that? I truly believe that she would rather have me single and celibate for the rest of my life, just like her. And, that is not going to happen!

"Why would you say that?" I asked her. She went on to say that I had too much going on....work, homeschooling my daughter and writing. What has that got to do with anything? This set off a whole debate and I had to reference all the couples I knew who had a lot going on and still making it work. What started off as a joke went sour. She had so many excuses regarding my life and schedule, and how I shouldn't have a man...
Her - "You may not want the man God sends you..."

Me- "Well, if you're praying for God to send me someone then throw in that I recognize him."

Her - "He can't control your choices."

Me - "Well, pray that I see him the way God sees him...just as long as he's not fat (trying to add humor back in the conversation.)

Her - "See, you gotta take whatever God gives you...But, I don't want him bald-headed or pants hanging low...or..." blah, blah, blah (What if I like bald headed men? I'd take him bald rather than holding on to a little bit of hair).

This is the hypocrisy of it all...I can't reject a fat man if God chose him for me, but she can say he can't be bald-headed? What is wrong with that picture?! I got a little irritated with my grandmother. How can she have all of this faith and wisdom, but not enough to trust God to send me someone who will support me even with everything that I may have going on?

Finally I blurted, "Forget it! It shouldn't be this hard to get you to pray for me a mate. If you can't pray for me a mate and that I recognize him when he comes, then fine, just forget it." Whew! How this Godly woman fought me on such a simple request (which was a joke in the first place!)

I wonder if she is anti-man except for the man her oldest daughter married (and her own sons.)

Our first snow fall of the year...

happened this weekend. It was a bad weekend for it, but is there any good time for snow? (Unless you're a kid.) It was an inconvenience for me since I needed and wanted to travel to Atlanta this weekend for a funeral.You see, last week I read the following message on Facebook from my sorority sister (Delta Sigma Theta, Inc.), Shannon:

Shannon Sparks: Thank you for your calls, prayers and loving words. My Mom was a fighter. She beat breast cancer. She beat lung cancer. She beat lung and liver cancer. This last fight-God wanted her home and she went peacefully. We take comfort in knowing she is resting and no longer in pain. Thank you Jesus for sharing her with us 73 years. Ida Sparks 1/25/10 4:20pm.

The emails started amongst all of us to generate ideas on how to show support. Many of my Sands (ladies I pledged with) decided to travel from Detroit. Since Charlotte is only a hop-skip-jump from Atlanta, I had to be there. But, then it began to snow...and sleet...oh, no.

Saturday morning, I was determined to go and show my support. Without a snow shovel, but just a short garden shovel in hand, I attempted to shovel the snow/ice from my steep driveway. I'm in good shape, I thought. Whew! That driveway is long and steep...who knew?! I wanted to quit, my back was hurting as I stooped over that short little shovel. I glanced at the windows of my neighbors and wondered if they were watching me and betting if I'd give up. This was a bet that they were going to lose because I'm going to Atlanta! I did it, I shoveled the driveway!

I did my part, but the city didn't do theirs. There was ice and slush all over the roads plus only one lane was clear. "If you want to have friends, you have to be a friend," I reminded myself. That's the truth, I want friendship and I wanted to bond with my sisters especially during a time as this. I can't imagine losing my mother or grandmother. This was the time to say "I love you" and give hugs, drink wine and cry and laugh. We all needed this!

But, I-85 was very dangerous especially when that huge tractor-trailer almost ran me off the road! What can I say to someone who has lost their beloved mother whom she watched deteriorate? What words of comfort can we share? Oh, how I wish I could deliver my hug and compassion to her in person.

So Shannon, you are loved and we all care for you. I pray that you know that your mother left you a legacy of strength, determination and courage. Her fight was won over and over again and she taught us the true spirit of humanity with her tenacious spirit. She never gave up. We all will take that lesson in our hearts. Our prayers are with you and your family.

Me and Shannon

Black Luv...

There is no secret that I would love to be in a love. No longer do I wish to settle with being just a "friend." I'm darn near 40 years old so when does a promotion come? Who wants that year after year without growth and progession? "Yeah, she's just my friend." Ugh, so many females I know are just the "friend".

But, this blog is not about that. It's about me reminding myself what I am waiting for...what I'm guarding my heart for. I'm talking about that Barack and Michelle Obama type of love. Where he still holds her hand, whisper in her ear and protects her. And, she stands behind him working towards his vision and while still keeping hers, supporting him and standing by him regardless of how much stress he may let slide into the bedroom. Even if there was an issue in their relationship, you'd never know it. That's what I'm talking about!

I'm talking about that Titus and Kesha type of love where she never saw limits to his person as he sat in his wheelchair, but only potential and purpose. He doesn't allow physical limits to lead him to a life of excuses, but works hard so that she can homeschool their children, he washes her head full of locs, practices patience as she committed precious time away from him to watch other children besides theirs, caters to her needs all while laughing as they grow closer as best friends. And she, honors him always, sends sweet messages through Facebook advertising her love for him, she allows him to be the man and the head of household and lovingly refers to him as "my husband" or "Big Daddy." That's the kind of love I'm talking about!

I'm talking about that Kami and Isayah kind of love. I love the fact that they have stickability through everything that comes their way. Yeah, it gets hard for them but they keep pushing and working together. I love that they are both creative, rooted, pray for eachother and pray together. They work together on projects yet work on their own...they are truly partners. Who doesn't want a partner in their relationship? A best friend to have their back? That is the kind of love that I'm talking about.

I want that type of love. Of course, I don't know what goes on behind closed doors, but I do know the integrity of these people, these couples and what they have is real. So real. Yeah, it may be work but they realize that it is not greener on the other side so they work together to keep it together.

Who says that Black love doesn't exist? All the good men are locked away in jail, dead or gay? Or, the older we get then there won't be any men left? Heck no, I don't subscribe to that. I can't. I don't want to live my forties alone or settle for half a man.

I have too many examples of good men, good women and true Black love.  Here are a few honorable mentions simply chosen because they don't keep their love hidden:

Chuck and Ava - Now, they really love each other and for a young couple, they have put in some years.They have two beautiful children, a son with autism. And, even though raising a child with autism is rough, they hold on and still find humor in their lives. Ava is always laughing. When I look at them it reminds me of a settled love. Not a bad settle, but the cozy, comfortable settled. They know one another and accepts everything each has to offer.

Dean and Tracey - He is a well sought after comedian and she is a professor. They have two beautiful girls and have been in love for ages!

Vincent and Keita - He is a well known DJ and she does it all. They promote the hottest parties in NY. I am sure they get both men and women throwing themselves at them, but they stand united. They love eachother so much that they look alike. One daughter and a baby on the way.

Ericka and Malik - she married a younger man and he honored her so much that he let some old habits go for the sake of their relationship.

(Ava and Chuck, Ericka and Malik)

I know so many other couples that I can't name them all. But, you get the picture...that's the love I'm talking about!

(Titus washed and now twisting Kesha's hair.)

The Man behind the counter

Today I went to a newly established vegan restaurant, Zizi's. I've been wanting to try it ever since I fell in love with the vegan restaurant in NY, Blossom's. Blossom's vegan cheeseburger was to die for...scrumptious!

So, yeah...I walked in and out comes this C-U-T-I-E (he wasn't wearing a band so I feel okay about blogging about him). He was a caramel color with hazel eyes (I haven't looked at a light skinned-ed guy in forever) and he had to have a head full of locs under his hat. Myrrh was his name...like frankincense and myrhh he said. Yeah, like the fragrant scent of frankincense and myrhh, that's what you remind me of, my thoughts trailed off. He was the owner and the restaurant was named after his seven year-old son. (A man with a dream and leaving a legacy for his seed, check.)

I found myself unable to stop chatting with this guy. I was more exuberant than ever. I glossed my dry lips since I was not glammed up in the least for I even forgot to put earrings in my ears and mascara. I couldn't stop moving my legs and I didn't know what to do with my hands.  I couldn't stop smiling. "Be still and stop acting like you haven't seen a cute guy before," I tried to calm myself.

Finally, I got my food and promised to be back to support him. Yeah, I'll go back for sure...for the food, of course.

Zizi's: http://www.awesomevegan2go.com/

My worst fear was almost a reality...

Have you seen my daughter?

My heart pumped double time as my eyes frantically scanned the children's library. Maybe she thought I wanted her to follow me to the parking garage. Quickly, I ran down the stairs and searched the area of where my car had been parked. No Dove. How was I going to tell the police that I was guilty of leaving my daughter in the library as I went to get my car, I thought.

Where is my child?!!!

Her drama ensemble met in the lobby of the children's library/children's theatre. It was bustling with kids, parents and visitors. Some of the other mothers and the male director didn't know how to get to the library that the ensemble was to be performing. Since I knew, I agreed to guide them there. "Dove, I'm going to get the car and pull it around front so meet me out front, okay?" I called out. She nodded. It was customary for students to find their parents waiting on them in front of the library so I felt okay with her waiting for me. Besides, all the children, parents and the director were there and knew that I would be gone for only 5 minutes. Five minutes is all it takes.

As I pulled my car around to the front of the building all the children started piling in their parents SUVs. "Where's my daughter," I asked the others. Blank faces and doubtful head nods. No one has seen her? She's the only black actor is the cast. "Where is my child?" Immediately, I ran into the building searching for my dearest.

"She probably rode with another parent," suggested one mother. Probably? That wasn't good enough. I needed to know for sure that she rode with someone and with whom.

"Do you have any numbers?" I asked. I didn't know her name nor any names of the other parents.

"No," she said too calmly for my taste. If it was her child she would be freaking out just like me...probably!

"My daughter wouldn't have gone with anyone...she knew I was driving. She would have waited for me or at least called me on my cell to ask my permission before getting into a car with anyone." Resignedly, I left the library to lead the others to our destination and peeking back at the door in hopes that she would run out. Panic thoughts overwhelmed me, "I forgot to check the restroom! What if she went to use the bathroom?"

Trying to multiltask while driving, I searched my email on my Blackberry and located the number to the other library. I left word with the librarian for the performance crew to call me as soon as they arrived because...how do I put this? I lost my daughter!

As I pulled up into the parking lot my cell phone rang. It was my daughter letting me know that she was at the library. I was furious as anxiety and fear had built up in me. I fussed at her for riding with a stranger without my permission as tears flowed from my eyes. "But, Mr. Craig told me to ride with them," she stammered. "No, I am your mother and you knew better!" All the talks and warnings must have escaped her as she trusted the direction of a familiar face and allowed it to overule my authority.

Crazy thoughts were flooding my mind (you never know what predators lurk and watch while waiting for the right moment to lure a child), but it was so emotional for me to hear her voice and know that she was safe. What fear for a mother...she just made another gray hair pop into my head!

Last Saturday I was living the life...

and this Saturday was a bust. Last Saturday I spent my day sweating, gyrating, and jammin' as I moved my body to every Merengue, Salsa, Cumbia and Reggaeton beat. From 8:30 am to 5 PM, I was learning the moves and working hard to become a Zumba Certified Instructor! And I made it. I left the gym where training was held feeling exhausted, drenched, and accomplished.

Saturday evening, I spent the night with my girls Arlena and Glenda and got excited as a young man served us at Chili's. Yeah, I blogged about his nice Levi's...roar (sound of my cougar growl). Then we mosied over the Play Date and had a ball with folks our age as we let playing some good ol' fashioned games.

I was aroused with my singleness. Now, I have a free weekend without my daughter and everyone is either busy or laying back with their children. Ugh! This is killing me. Where is here to go this weekend? I don't want to go to a club. Yuk!

I guess this cougar will have to rest this weekend. Me and Tracey Ullman (on Showtime) will have a date, I haven't seen her in a while. She may inspire some great ideas for my one-woman shows.

A Secret Crush at almost 40!

I do have one. He attends my church and I've been crushing on him since last year. Let's just say that he goes by the name of Damian. And, let's just say that he's attractive and has a nice smile. And, let's just say that my heart flutters every single time that I see him. I hope he's single and I'm not crushing on a guy who has a girlfriend, that would be disgusting. I don't crush on men that are married or have girlfriends. I had a crush on a gentleman in the book field from the moment I saw him, but he has a girlfriend now. (sighhh...okay keep moving.)

He knows me, but I won't approach him. I can't. That's not how my church operates. Women are not supposed to be the agressor. Men are supposed to approach women. Old fashioned, right? I do like some of the old fashioned ways. For instance, men used to woo women and compliment them. Now, women chase down men and do all the complimenting. Men used to make sure that their ladies were happy even if that meant driving across town to get the specific flowers she loved. But now, ladies may get the single rose bought at the gas station and find it acceptable (don't give me 'it's the thought that counts'). Women don't allow men to be the pursuer anymore and they make it too convient for a man to not take the lead. Okay, that's another blog, this one is about my crush.

Ohhh, how my heart beats for my secret crush.

Don't tell anyone, okay? Pinky promise.

I'm going to treat myself with a massage!

I desperately need a massage, well, I need the whole spa day. My body yearns for it. My spirit is calling out for it. And hey, a little exfoliation does the body good.

The whole massage thing can be a little invasive, don't you think? My first massage (besides from the boyfriends who had their own little body lotion and tried to seduce me...you've been there right?) was from the chiropractor's office. I'd been in an accident and part of the claim or recovery was to get massage therapy. That was fine, but it wasn't quite the relaxing experience that I'd thought it would be.

But let me tell you about my first real experience of a spa massage. It was at Carmen Carmen via a gift certificate. I was extremely excited, but I really didn't know what to expect besides of what they show on TV. Eric, a lean muscled cute white guy, was my masseuse and he led me to my room.

Aromatherapy candles were lit, the lights were dimmed and the atmosphere was soothing. "Take off all of your clothes and lay on the table, and I'll be back."

"All of my clothes?" I asked. He nodded yes. "Okay, but I'll probably fall asleep because I had a baby several months ago and I'm tired," I joked. I guess he thought it was a little funny because he halfheartedly laughed. I took off my clothes while looking around at all the oils, towels, and candles. Finally, I laid on the table and waited for Eric to work out the kinks in my muscles.

He entered and went right to work. He massaged my thighs, feet, arms, back, calves...oh, it felt so freakin' good! Finally, he said, "Time for me to do the front of you...did you fall asleep?"

"No, I was a little too cold," I said.

"Why didn't you put a towel over you?" He questioned.

"You didn't tell me to. You said, 'take off all of your clothes and lay on the table' and that's what I did." Who would know to automatically take the towel and drape it over them? I didn't! He didn't tell me to take off my clothes, take a towel and drape it over my body and then lay on the table! I was butt-balled naked when Eric walked in the room and massaged by body.

He said, "Well, I wondered why you didn't have anything on. I kept my eyes closed the whole time while I massaged you, but I'm a man, you know." Yeah, I noticed Eric. And, I'm a woman and truth be told, my mind was thinking, "just graze it a lil' bit..." (Hey, I was celibate! Don't judge me!)

Needless to say (clearing my throat), when I rolled to my front I put the sheet over me and the rest of the massage was dull...I mean professional...I mean, done correctly and relaxing. (Hey, I'm older and I know what to expect now.)

So, as I try to book a massage in the next for weeks, uhhhh, Eric are you out there?

A Sneak Peak in A Woman's Convo - Part I

So, the other night hanging with the girls, we talked about -- men. Yeah, go figure. We made a few startling observations.

1. Why is it that all of our ex-boyfriends are married? That is unsettling. You know, it makes us wonder if we weren't marriage material or something. What was it that they saw in the other chics that made them commit to them for better or for worse?

2. Why do our ex-boyfriends who are now married try to re-connect? That is more than just unsettling. We all have that experience. Whether it's through the phone, Facebook, MySpace...old boyfriends try to come back and be friends. And, each of them have the same thing, "I wish I had married you...you know, you were my real true love...things aren't really working out at home...I still love you and always think of you..." What is that really about? Maybe, things are okay, but they want to come back to something comfortable and familiar to be friends with, stroke their ego or whatever. We made a few valid suggestions, but the truth of the matter is -- it doesn't matter! Stick with your wife and let go because if you wanted to marry us then you would have stuck it out with us in the first place!

So, I say "No, we can't be friends...no, you can't call me when you just need to talk -- talk to your wife." Because, I sure don't want my husband calling his exes when he felt the need to and I don't want the exes to be accomodating to them because they're single and alone. As girlfriends, we decided to not respond to the messages via FB, Myspace or phone.

Let married ex-boyfriends be just that...married EX-boyfriends.

Dumbfounded...

You know when you have an ephiphany for an amazing project but you waste time procrastinating because you don't know where to begin?

Yeah...I hate that...

Now I'm waiting for the ephiphany on how to start the project...

EEOC - Equal Employment Opp. Commission

Here's the background...I'd been working for Bank of America. When I started, I was placed in an area called, "The Cage." For real. The place reeked with oppression. I knew then that I didn't want to work there no longer than five years.

March of my sixth year, I got hired for Robert Vanderberry as his Administrative Assistant. Now, before him, I was an admin for THREE executives and excelled. By the end of March I was calling HR for help. He liked nothing I did and when I tried to approach him about my job performance, he'd give me the okey-doke. My job was to monitor his emails and I'd found one to his old admin that read: "I know you don't regret your decision to leave, but I do every single day..." I read between the lines and knew what was coming down the road. Therefore, I began to keep a paper trail.

Bob did everything he could to sabotage me. It got so bad that my doctor wrote me out for depression and anxiety. HR did nothing. I sent detailed letters to every manager of Bob's all the way to the CEO...and nothing. Bob even violated my associate privacy by emailing his old admin, "Alicia's out on short-term disability...I'd offer you the position in a heartbeat if I knew that that was your desire..." Ugh, he was so crude and ugly.

After I came back from STD, Bob immediately handed me a three page document of "Does Not Meet Expectations." He told me that he was giving me 30 days to find a new job or else I'd have to voluntarily resign. (Which was against policy, but HR did nothing.) What the heck?! I'd been gone for several months and before then, I received all "Meets" on my performance review.

So, I went to the EEOC to file a complaint. Do you think the EEOC will be able to help me fight against a large corporation? Will Bob ever be happy even if his "Precious" never returns? Will he ever find a wife away from home that will cater to him the way she did?

You know, I knew from the beginning that I didn't want to be there longer than 5 years and God said, by way of Bob Vanderberry, "Time is up...move on."

Pic of where they brought the slaves (Charleston, SC)...I'm posting this pic instead of The Cage or my old desk.

The Good News and the Bad...

While visiting a classroom in an elementary school yesterday, I was approached by one of the teachers. She said, "Oh, you're a visiting artist? I thought you were one of the highschool students from Northwestern." She's my best friend now. A highschool student? Aww, such flattery. That made my day! Of course, she could be one of those types of people who are horrible at guessing ages, but I don't care...I'll take the compliment!

The good news...I don't look my age.

The bad news...the grant has run out on my teaching artist gig.

Yep, during our meeting yesterday, we were informed of the grant being completed after this year. Soooo, where does that leave us teaching artists? They began talking about options, but of course, there were no guarantees of anything. Soooo, yep... good-bye to my elementary school residencies.

Oh...more good news...I am officially a certified Zumba instructor!!! Yes!

Spread the sunshine!

A Fun Night With the Girls!

In a world where baggy and saggy pants is the style for men, I did a triple - no a quadruple- take on a pair of Levi's. Hmmph! My eyes were greedy like a man as I watched those Levi's pass by me. We all giggled at the way he filled his pants out in the back. He looked real good in his jeans and I told him so. Princeton was his name and he was our server at Chili's. All three of us sipped on our Martini's and thought of plenty of questions to ask Princeton to keep our eye candy near to serve us. Yeah, we liked him serving us with his shy smile showing the gap between his teeth.

"Girl, he has his eye on you, can't you tell?" Arlena and Glenda both teased. I knew that he did and I liked the way he looked at me. It made me feel sexy. I flirted back with him to see if I still had that flirty skill.

"He's young," I said. "I like them young, but I can't go too young...well, not anymore." This started another conversation. How young and old do we like them? We all admitted that younger men were spry, spontaneous and energetic.

"Ain't nothing wrong with being a cougar!" Arlene chided. That's the truth because I love younger men. But, Princeton was 25. And, I knew the road that a 25 year-old could possibly lead me. Oh well, I sure did enjoy the view. Too bad men don't pull up their pants to allow us women the pleasure of looking at their butts just like they stare at ours.

Anyway, we went on to Play Date, an organization that hosts game nights for adults. The room was full of tables with different games on them. We scoped the room and I silently hoped that this wasn't going to be a night full of single ladies and a few good men. We sat at a table and started a game of Uno, then two ladies joined us and then two more. Before we knew it, a few good men did come snooping around our table and joined the fun.

Laughter was heard because the floor games began like Twister, hoola-hoop with men doing push-up/sit-ups between the women's legs. "Live a little," I said to myself. So, I got up and snaked my way through the crowd to get a better view. "We need some women volunteers to stand behind the guys." I saw some fine men, which is hard to find here in Charlotte so I volunteered! I couldn't help myself. I stood behind a cutie and waited to see what game we were going to play.

"Now lock arms," the voice said. Uh-oh! That cutie carried me on his back to the other side of the floor! What a race. I prayed that I didn't break his back. "Now, guys get on the floor and let the ladies ride on your backs." Yep, I'm going to break his back for sure. I've always said that I loved muscles and strong backs. And, that's what he had because he carried my load without any pressure. Hmmmm....love it! What fun!

Then, another guy grabbed me for another game. He had to carry me on his back - hunch back style. I had to wrap my legs around his waist so that I wouldn't fall off. And, we raced other couples to the other side of the floor where a ball was waiting for me to bounce back to the first side. It was cool!

I hope that Arlena and Glenda will be down for a repeat. Princeton's Levi's plus Play Date equals a night full of fun for the girls!

As I'm turning 40...

there's a few things that I've learned that I can no longer tolerate. I've compiled a list of just a few and as the year progresses, I know that I'll learn more.

1. Milk: My body doesn't do milk any more. At first, I ignored it because I had to have my ice-cream with the little Reese's Cups in it. Then, I realized, "Hey, something is not the same. Everytime I eat this stuff I get gas." I thought it was the ice cream, but low and behold it was the lactose! Ugh!!!! Now that I'm closer to 40, I can't even eat/drink it with Lactaid. So, guess what? I'm turning towards vegan.

2. Ignorance: Who can tolerate ignorance well? I definitely can't handle a date who can't stimulate me intellectually. The know-it-all is a turn-off, but I do like someone who can hold a conversation. I had a date and while we were at the table looking at the drink menu he asked, "What's a signature drink? Ain't that when they sign it?" You've got to be kidding me! He was my age and didn't know what a signature drink was? He didn't have any conversation so when I talked about something I've read about he'd say, "Dang, my boo is smart!" First of all, I didn't give him permission to call me boo and at 40, I don't want to be a boo!

3. Pushy Men: Okay, as I'm meeting a few men and going on dates, let me make this clear - I will not tolerate any more pushy men. I'm so tired of having a nice evening out and allowing Mr. Wrong to sit comfortably on my couch and watch TV. And, then when he assumes the moment is right, he grabs my hand and place it on his penis. Or, grabs me and tries to pull me on his lap. And that's when I put him out of my house! I can't tell you how many times that has happened. I don't know who told men that that was sexy or attractive, but I'm a lady and expect to be treated that way.

Okay, that's enough for now.

Don't Talk About It, Be About It!

I used to say that catch phrase all of the time. I found myself, with a slew of others, always talking about what we planned to do. I found that we talked about the same goals year after year and wasn't making any progress to reach them. Finally, I had to step a part from the crowd and stop all the yapping and turn that energy into making it happen.

I can list what I have done, but they don't compare to the ideas that I talked about and let pass me by. As I grow older, I've learned a few more lesson. For instance, I've been talking less about writing my second book and just been typing away. I realized during the writing of my first book that I talked about it so much without doing it that people stopped taking me seriously. Another example, I didn't talk about wanting to teach a group fitness class, I registered for the certification class without letting the deadline pass me by. And, I talked about getting a grant forever, but finally I spontaneously wrote one and guess what? I got it! Now, I'm not going to talk about getting my body ready to wear a bikini, I'm just going to work out and eat right and post the pics later! (As I was turning 35, I talked about getting fit to look good in a matching bra and panty set and here I am turning 40 and I still got the same darn goal!)

So, as I turn 40, I'm going to do less talking and more doing.

I Can't Stop Watching CNN

I don't know if I'm getting more sensitive or if I'm just hormonal, but I found myself crying watching the devastation in Haiti. I was sitting comfortably on my cushy bed eating some southern fried fish and I got choked up and couldn't eat it. How could I finish my meal while watching people in despair without a home or even drinking water.

I fought back the tears as my heart wept for a nation of people that I didn't know. There was no one here to comfort me, but I really didn't need comforting. My needs are so small compared to theirs. They're helpless and I'm helpless to help. Or am I? What can I do to help?

Offer money...even $10 would help. It wouldn't break my budget. Or, maybe post on FB that I'll be collecting medicine? Hmm...all good ideas. But, time is of the essence and they don't have time for me to decide on a means or a method of support. The least I can do immediately is to donate through my cell phone or log on to Jean Wyclef's website and donate there.

And, I can find a way to get Rush Limbaugh off the air or at least find the Wizard to help give him a heart. Because he definitely and desperately needs one?

Okay, I'm not alone!!!

You know, I've started this blog with the hopes to have family and friends support me. Everyday, I log on and face a page that states, "No Comments." Can you imagine how dissapointing that could be? And, then I see all these other blogs with tons of followers? "How can I get support and a following like that?" Yep, that's what I thought.

Well, tonight at Zumba, my friend, Torey (the friend who pushes me to the front of class and if I ever taught, she swears that she'll attend my class) said, "I've read your blogs and that is me!!!" Wow, that surprised and excited me all at the same time. Yay!!! Someone has read my blogs!!!! I didn't care if it was only one person because that meant one person read my thoughts and cared.

Yay for new friends! Yay for new friends who loves to go see theatre and dance! Yay for Torey!

This year is about learning me and building friendships. Because, if I don't get married then at least I'll have girlfriends. And, then I won't grow old alone. Plus, possibly I'll have a few traveling buddies and/or roommates like the "Golden Girls." So, if I've fallen and couldn't get up then my girls would be there to lift me up!

Damn, is this all I have?

I have just realized that I have no life! I go to work, homeschool my daughter, workout and that's about it. I need some die-hard-got-my-back girlfriends. That type of friendship that not even a man would come between. You know how we women all of a sudden get busy when we get a man paying us a little bit of attention.

My real die hard freinds are peppered in New York, Cinci and a slew of sorority sisters spread out all over. But, I need some girls here in Charlotte. I've got some friends, but our friendship hasn't yet marinated over the trials and turns that makes a relationship stand the test of time. Hopefully, they'll evolve more this year.

Outside of my QCDC Zumba family, my life is a little dull. It's not like I have the love of my life showering me with attention. But, on the other hand, I don't have a drama filled life full of jealousy and fussing, thank goodness!

Me and my NY girls!

Of course, I'm saying all of this as I'm loaded with wine watching yet another reality show, "Let's Talk About Pep!" Loving that she has her friends all surrounded at the table a la' "Sex In the City" style. Who cares if it is scripted? They look like they are having a lot of fun experiencing a care free life.

Maybe someone should scrpt my life.

One thing I learned...

is that when I have the notion to do something then just go ahead and do it. Most times, I wait on other folks to come with me and what happens? I end up missing out.

Like that time I wanted to go see one of my favorite ol' skool hip-hop artists, Rakim, for my birthday. Well, I waited for folks to make up their mind and I ended up missing out and not going. Or, that time I wanted to see Celia De La Cruz (spelling), the Latin singer. No of my friends wanted to go hear her sing because they didn't know anything about her. And, what happened? I didn't go and ended reading how people were dancing in the aisles, and she later died...so, I'll never be able to see her perform. Or how about that time I did see Common in concert, and he pulled me onstage and rapped to me personally, but shortly afterwards my friend was ready to go. So, I didn't see the end of the show and I never, ever get a chance to get out of the house. And, I probably won't ever get the once in a lifetime opportunity to be pulled on stage by a hottie like Common! I missed out on Maxwell and India Arie... Okay, you get the point.

Well, I was going to talk myself out of going to see a folk group that I've never heard of called Chocolate Drops. I was intrigued by their advertising picture. I wanted to go, but I didn't want to drive almost an hour to go see them. But, on the other hand, it was only ten bucks. Then again...blah, blah, blah...another excuse.

However, I did go and I took my daughter and Granny with me. That show was AMAZING! It was the best spent $10 in a long time! They not only presented folk music with humor and personality, but they gave us a little history of the song and some of the instruments.

I am so glad that I didn't miss out on the opportunity of seeing them. Memo to self: experience life even if its by yourself!

http://www.carolinachocolatedrops.com/

Working out makes me feel alive!

As I've shared, I want to wear a bikini this year. Yep, that's my goal. So, this week, I've been working out to my Beach Body tapes while my Personal Training with Jackie tapes are on the way. Other than that, I Zumba with Queen City Dancing Queen!

Yep, Zumba keeps me young. Zumba is a dance inspired fitness exercise which encompasses merengue, salsa, reggaeton, hip-hop, samba, belly dance and bhanra. I was hooked with just my first visit. And, on January 16th, I go and get Zumba ceritified. Yay!

I go in there knowing that I will gyrate my hips, pop my booty and throw my back out. And, don't let them play one of my favorite songs! I'll drop my old butt to the floor like it's real hot! I feel younger than I am while I'm there for that one hour. It takes me back to my days at the club dancing all night long. The music and the moves make me feel sexy as I dream of showing my moves to a cutie one of these days. Trust me, I'm shaking it like Shakira and Beyonce!!! And no one can tell me any different...until those 23-27 year olds come poppin' their butts like they do it for a living!

Who the heck do they think they are? I mean, I've put in some years of experience and have earned the right to claim my spot of the Zumba exercise floor. And, I don't need some big booty girl who has a little more spring in her hips to try to show me out!

Now, let me get some Epsom salt for my darn bath!

Is it true?

A woman never tells her age? Darn...then what am I? Don't tell me that I'm going to spend the whole year trying to figure out who the heck I am - again!

Still Single...

You know what really bothers me? Folks always think that there is something wrong with a person when you're in your 30's (and above) and still single. "Why are you still single? What's wrong with you?" Puh-leeze people, don't say that. Us single folks have a lot of pressure already than to have you give us an extra complex. Besides, on hot summer nights and frigid cold evenings, we wonder the same darn thing. "Why in the heck am I still single?" Leave the questioning to us.

Then people go ahead and add insult to injury. "You need to go out more?" Where in the heck to they suggest? We go to church, Home Depot, Lowe's, Walmart, restaurants, grocery stores, and even venture to the club scene. Nothing. And personally, I smile and make sure that I'm inviting and personable. Still nothing. What does a girl have to do to get a date?

Now, on any given day I would rather be alone and single than miserable and married. I know enough couples who are miserable in their relationships and marriage (that's another topic). Frankly, I don't want to wait this long and be unhappy. So, I won't be settling, that's for sure.

My latest venture was to a Single's Ball. Yep, I paid good money and got dressed up and everything. Well, about 50 women showed up to greet about 7 men. Ugh! I'm crossing my fingers that this year will be more fruitfull, at least by my birthday.

Hey, don't rush me!

Apparently, there's a conglomerate out there that wants to rush me into turning 40. Yep, I said it. A few months ago, I opened my mailbox to find an invitation to a magazine for women 40 and over. "Welcome to your forties," it read in big bold letters. It was a nice gesture, but not something that I was looking forward to.

What the heck? I'm not forty yet -- no where near it! As a matter of fact, how in the world did this said magazine find me? Who knows my secrets? Who spread the word about my age before I gave permission. Who chops do I need to bust to get some answers???

I told my good friend about it and she found it hilarious. Yep, funny that a magazine found the nerve to welcome me into the forties. Who does that? And, why didn't they send her one?

Well, here goes...

I am about to embark on the unmentionable, the unthinkable...telling my age. The secret of all secrets. This is something that women just don't do. Why? We all want to stay eternally young. But here I am, admitting it...I'll be turning 40, the Big 4-0 this year.

Gosh, in my 20's, forties seemed ancient. Shucks, even in my 30's, it still sounded kind of old. However, time kept creeping up on me and I'm caught turning "the age." What's a girl to do? Invite you to join the journey with me.

I want to share with you my thoughts, triumphs, challenges and goals for reaching the young age of...well, you know. Since it is the start of a new year, this is a perfect time to start this new phase of my life. Besides, I can mask my resolutions as goals.

Here are a few that I can think of:
1. I want to finally fit in a bikini and be sexy. When I turned 35, I wanted to wear a matching bra and panty set from Victoria Secret's without the jelly rolls. Well, I was close, but no cigar. But, this is the year!! I can feel it! I've done it all - Jenny Craig, Special K, the Master Cleanse, Power 90X, Tae-bo...some things I'll retry and others I'll just drop.

2. Vegan and 75% raw. I'm already a vegetarian, but this dairy is killing me (lactose intolerant). Besides, I know what they put in the milk and stuff, yuk. And, bloating and gas...well, that's just not cute at all.

3. Finish my manuscript. I have one book published, a non-fiction titled, Up From Rock Bottom. I want to try my hand at writing fiction. I've been working on a little sumpin' sumpin' and this year I want it completed.

4. I want to take care of me. Yes, travel, massages, facials, pedicures, etc. I need to pamper myself every now and then. Well, it would really be nice to have someone to "pamper me", but since I'm still single I've got to do it myself.

Okay, how is that for starters.