Friday, May 14, 2010
Would I change me right now?
No, I'm in such a good place right now. The realization hit me like an "aha" moment. A light went on in my spirit and said, "I like me."
I was hanging out with a friend and amazingly, this city is full of big butt women. Of course, we can't tell which booties are real and which ones are fake anymore. Needless to say, butt shaping panties are the hot purchase of the decade according to twitter, Elle magazine and Oprah. Anyhoo, with all of these booties passing to and fro, he let a few words escape his lips jokingly and freely: "You need a bigger butt." Last year, or even last month, I would have mulled over it and probably become a little self-conscious, but my brain immediately processed, "No I don't, I like it just the way it is."
I really do like it. I like me. Of course, I had love handles and a petite booty, but I work out daily and eat right. This is the body that I have right now and I have to love it. Heck, nobody else would love it if I didn't. Everybody won't have a Selma Hayek, Jennifer Lopez or Halle Berry body unless they visit the local plastic surgeon. We're not in Brazil where women would rather stay in poverty while every dime is used for cosmetic surgery and I'm not that into redesigning what God created. My friend teased, "You better do some squats, they'll make your butt bigger." Yeah, if that were the case I'd have a big booty by now. I even had a fitness trainer who worked me half to death with lunges and squats and guess what? It didn't get bigger! Besides, peruse a fitness magazine and you won't find a fitness competitor with a big apple bottom - a muscle bottom, yes!
As I was saying, I'm in such a good place right now. I was a fat, fat kid growing up. My mom was this tiny doll with big round eyes and gorgeous hair. Me? I was a little butterball. I grew up self-conscious about my size. I yo-yo'd all my life. I've done diets, tae-bo, Jane Fonda, The Firm and even remember dancing to Richard Simmons! But through all of that, I come to realize that I am sexy even if I only see it. Heck, if I feel it then I am!
The body I have right now is maintained through dance fitness, Zumba and a few sculpting video's (that I admittingly could do more frequently). Trust me, I dance hard and love the way my petite frame is shaping up. I was up to 140 lbs. while employed with BOA (working for the devil who didn't wear Prada, Bob Vanderberry). I was depressed, overweight and lacked self-confidence. But today? Ask me about today? Because today I'd tell you that I'm in a good place, I love looking at my body in the mirror and seeing the transformation...I love my natural locs and take pleasure in embracing the styles/loc jewelry that my sista-friend Kesha designs for me...I love my smile with the crooked front tooth...I love me!