Today was just a "blah" day...

I started the morning sluggish and really wanting to sleep in. But, I'm very thankful to have somewhere to be going, if you know what I mean. My daughter is the slowest person and has always been slow. I have to keep prodding her, "Come on, come on, come on..." She can't multitask yet, at least not when the television is on so this morning, off went Good Morning, America.

So, I'm trying to rush her out the door while I was looking for my keys. It dawned on me that she sat in the car listening to a book on tape so she was the last one with them. As she puttered around retracing her steps, she went into the garage looking around. I asked incredulously, "What are you doing?"

"Well, I think I may have dropped them and didn't hear them when they dropped." Too many thoughts flashed through my mind that I couldn't process any of them. What do you mean, 'you think you may have dropped them'? Why would you wait until now to think you dropped them. Girl, if you make me late... Remeber we talked about being responsible. Blah, blah, blah... until I grabbed her by her collar and said, "Get the hell in here and find my keys!"

I know I shocked her. Heck, I shocked myself because I don't use any fowl language around her. There are many times I wanted to curse her, "What the f*** were you thinking? Girl, you better get out of my d*** face," or something, but I never, ever let it slip out. Needless to say, we rode together in silence for about 45 minutes. I guess we both had to have time to process our thoughts.

And, this afternoon -- I'll skip all the in between stuff -- I happened to call a pal whom I hung out with last year during CIAA. I wanted to check her plans and maybe we could connect, you know? We talked from time to time but not on a regular basis. So, when I reached her she answered, "Well, I haven't heard from you so..." Instantly, I thought, "Heck, I ain't heard from you either so that's why I'm calling. It's not like you've been leaving me voicemails and I've been ignoring them." I hate it when people do that. "You didn't call me so I didn't know." Well, you didn't know because you didn't pick up the phone to check. That's just like when people always end a conversation with, "Call me," and put the responsibility on the other party. Instead of saying, "I'll carve out time to call you," and taking all of the responsibility on themselves. You know?

Besides, I don't have to always talk to you to go out. I have friends that I don't talk to on a regular basis, but when we do talk it's just like we didn't miss a beat. Those are the friendships that I like - no blame, just talk to you when I do and everything is just fine.

Geez-louise, I hope my evening will be much better than my morning.

My New Family is a TRIP!

I've been going on and on about my blood family [working on my nerves], but as my friend Kesha taught me - we make our family. So anyway, I may have blogged about getting older and somewhere in between the lines, my new family read that I was suffering from a cold which has been lingering forever. As I walked in to Zumba class, Alice promptly asked, "What are you doing here?" She didn't just ask as if asking a question out of the blue. She asked with her eyes peering down at me as if she were wearing reading glasses and said it with a mother attitude. (I know, right?!) And then, the Amen Choir i.e. Torey backed her up, "Yeah, I was reading on her blog how she was sick and she needs to go home..." (They don't know that that is not an option because I am hardheaded...plus this is CIAA week!)

I'm telling you the truth, I definitely have a family - mothers and sisters - right here in Charlotte. And, they don't mind picking up on the family 'tude and keeping me in check with that type of nurturing love. From Alice and Torey in Zumba to Shinell down the street who has been checking on me to Kesha who keeps me lifted through our conversations and knowledge sharing. 

I can hear them saying, "All right, I don' told you to go head now..." Yeah, yeah...okay...I'm going. But, I love ya'll and the attention.

I can tell I'm getting older because...

1. What used to never hurt, now hurts. I'm telling the truth! I had a little tiny spot in the joint of my thumb that felt weird. Then over the course of a few month it grew to the point where it pained me to just bend it. Now, where the heck does a thumb pain comes from? I searched all over the internet trying to diagnose my issue. But, guess what? There was nothing concerning the particular area where my thumb hurt! AND, I thought I just made my hip sore during Zumba or possibly one of my work out tapes. Surely, if that was the case it would have eased up by now. But, noooooo....this little hip soreness has maintained its presence. What is that about? When I was in my 20s that little soreness would have been long gone. Ugh!

2. And, I used to get over a cold or bug in about a week's time. But, as I grow older the cough from the icky bug lingers on forever. I missed Zumba dancing at the Bobcat's game this month because of a yucky bug so the least it could do is be good to me and completely leave my system. But noooooo, is that too much to ask? It is trying to make a comeback like an old retired ball player. I've got something for it because I'm a fighter - well, a lover and a fighter - and I'm resisting growing older.

3. You know how our grandparents and parents used to collect S&H green stamps? Yeah, I remember the days that they got prizes and stuff from those stamps. I just realized that I'm favoring their old ways about their stamps. I've haphazardly been collecting game pieces for Rite Aid's Game of Life. Today, I purchased regular items plus some cold medicine that advertised "Bonus Game Piece." The lady at the register only game me one game piece. "Uh excuse me, you owe me another game piece. I've got a bonus item..." She insisted that I only get one. Okay, my old lady came out and I became all about the principal. I went on the online and check the rules and determined that I was right! I then called back the store and spoke with the duty manager and she remembered me, and insisted that I only get one game piece. No way! I want my game pieces for my bonus item!!! I called another store and they agreed that I should have gotten more and I politely went to get my stamps...I mean, uhhh, game pieces. What? Don't judge me...it's growing pains!

4. Okay, my cousin's husband asked, "How many boyfriends you have now...you've slimmed down and looking great." He added that to attract more men then I would need to get some fitted skinny jeans and some high heeled shoes because "men love to see high heeled shoes. It does something for the legs and figure." Yeah, yeah...I heard that before. But now that the weekend is here and the CIAA tournament is upon me, there is no way that I am going to be walking down Trade St. in some stiletto shoes! I value the arch in my feet and all I can think is "Man, that's not comfortable. You know what that'll do to your feet as you get older? Bone spurts!" Yeah, I sound like my Granny. "Cover you knees, you don't want that cold settling in your bones...arthritis will getcha!"

5. Yeah, and lastly, gray hair is popping up everywhere. I never really saw it in my head before, but now its being intertwined in my locs. I bet Kesha is planting them in there because it seems to be happening so suddenly. Plus, I've seen them in my eyebrows! My eyebrows!! And, (taking a deep breath) I've got them in other places, too. And, that's all I'm saying on that subject.

Sara's Gone...

Last Friday, I attended an event that held mixed emotions for all of the attendees. Sara, the exuberant-cute-pouty-faced-energizer-bunny said 'farewell' to Queen City Dancing Queen. She was faced with a wonderful career opportunity which required her to relocate, but wanted to hold on to her love of QCDC. We've all been at a crossroads, right?

I remember reading her status update on Facebook that read that she had to make a monumental decision. I didn't know what the circumstances were, but like many others I chimed in with my two cents. I answered: Dr. Ben Carson said he asks himself four questions when faced with a challenging decision, "What is the best thing that will happen if I do this? What is the best thing that will happen if I don't? What is the worst thing that will happen if I do this? What is the worst thing that would happen if I don't?"

In time, Sara made the decision to relocate and advance in her career. Who can blame her? But, we all will miss her motivating moves, booty shaking and overall cute factor. As friends stepped up to the microphone and wished her well, it was tear jerking to see how much she has made an impact on so many people across the board. People who never knew the joy of dancing, ladies who've given up on feeling beautiful and empowered, dancers who were inspired to join the ranks as Zumba instructors, and teachers who learned from her experience all shared their "Sara" stories. I felt a twinge of jealousy because I didn't have my special Sara story, but realized that I didn't need one to have been inspired by her. We wiped away tears and struggled to hold our trembling lips in as we wanted to be a little selfish and keep our Sara right here in Charlotte.

Thank you, Sara, for making an impact on so many of us. Thank you for helping us to free our inner Shakira goddess. We may not shake it like Shakira or bounce it like Beyonce, but by all means and determination we will shake it and bounce it the way you taught and pushed us to! May your journey inspire more women to live life to the fullest. I don't think I would have had the courage to want to become an instructor if it wasn't for you. Trust this step and know that your path will not only be a blessing to you, but to every single person you come in contact with.

Take care...Sara...Muah!

Big Mama is Back! This Sunday at 4 PM...

I used to envy Samantha Brown...

But now I don't. I love watching the Travel Channel and wished how I could have Samantha Brown's job. She gets to travel all over the world for free and all she has to do is talk about it. Latin America, Australia, Europe, and places where tourists never venture. Enjoy the experience as a Travel Reporter. Hmph! That's not all.

I watched her behind the scenes episode and realized that the saying "all that glitters is not gold" holds some truth with her job. For instance, I love pa treatments, but guess what? Her least favorite part of the job was getting massages. Why? Because there's several cameramen right in her face while she has to be halfway naked and act as if she was enjoying it. How can one relax while being filmed and explaining the whole experience? Good point, Samantha...thanks. I hadn't thought about that. (I just imagined my first massage experience and what it would have looked like if it was filmed. Check massage blog.)

Samantha has to face hear fears daily - which one of them is water. She always have to dive and snorkel. She even had a panic attack in 4 feet of water. Bless her heart. That has to be an awful feeling to always have to do something that you fear - sky dive, deep sea dive, etc.

She also talked about how she couldn't say "no" or refuse anything. Yeah, it would be rude to refuse a gift. Now, I love to experience different foods, but someone brought her a fried guinea pig and she had to taste it. Yuck! However, she liked that stuff that collects on the bottom of boats. In Latin America, they cut those shells off and apparently, there is meat in them. I couldn't have that job for that reason alone...how would guinea pigs fit in a vegatarian diet?

I didn't realized that she would be homesick. I guess I never calculated how much time she would be away from home. Yeah, there are some wonderful aspects of the job, but like any other job, there are some things that makes you go, "What the heck?" But, according to Samantha, all of the cons do not outweigh the pros because she "has the best job in the world."

That's what I want to have...the feeling of having the best job ever. Once you love what you do, you will be passioante about it. Any job worth dreaming about is definitely worth having.

Let me dream big!

The Alvin Ailey Dance Company

As I blogged previously, I went out with just a friend to see the internationally acclaimed dance company. Sitting comfortably in my seat, I watched the lean muscled bodies move and intertwine with each other. "Dancers have horrible feet, but great bodies," I thought as I recalled how three dancers who attended the Alvin Ailey Dance School lived above us three actress in the 3-story Brownstone in Brooklyn.

My mind wandered on how the individual dancers decided to dance as a profession? Only now that I'm in to physical fitness that I pay attention to how their profession shaped the way they walk and move elegantly. I wondered if my parents would have invested time and exposed me to different activities in my youth then how my life would have been different. What if they got me into dance? Would I be a dancer now?

I quickly dismissed the thought because I was a shy, chunky kid and would have never felt comfortable dancing around in a leotard (besides that one time in the privacy of my room where I pranced around in one after putting tissue in my bra for fake nipples- I wanted to be like Thelma from Good Times). I knew that I would have been teased for being fat, if anything. One childhood memory flashed of how I found myself on a balance beam where a gymnastics team practiced and I overheard the coach talk about how he was surprised that someone so fat could even climb up on the beam. I quickly jumped down and became invisible again. And, another time when my cousins and I created a dance routine and performed for the family. My aunt (my mom's oldest sister) said, "You keep on shaking like that then you'll be able to shake some of that fat right off of you."

Me, fat. Yep, as my Grandpa (see pic) used to say, "short, fat and squatty and ain't got no body." That was me. I envied those bodies on the stage as they moved around effortlessly. Could I do that? I mean...what about now that I am fearless about dancing in front of other people? I was tickled as one last memory popped into my head. When I was about 13, my mom had a friend who knew someone who danced. The lady took me to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company. Afterwards, we went to a party where all the dancers were gathered and she introduced me around. I was so excited, but embarrassed at my size while in the midst of so much beauty. I didn't see myself as beautiful so I pressed myself in the wall and tried to become invisible. I spent the night with the lady and the next morning I accompanied her to a dance workshop that they did for dancers. I watched in awe at how they were able to leap high, land low, twist and turn all about.

If I were skinnier, would I have had the audacity to believe in myself to dance freely? Maybe...maybe not. A greater thought is...how all of those things shaped me to be who I am now. And more importantly, I've learned to expose my daughter while exposing myself to many opportunities and life experiences. That way, I can shape who I will continue to grow to be as well as the young woman who will grow old to be my legacy.

I exhaled slowy and realized that I am do exactly what I wished to do. As I dance, move and shake in Zumba. In that workout class, I am onstage and I perform as I dance. I have erased all of those old memories and am replacing them with new ones.

Happy Valentine's

Today is Valentine's Day. Yesterday I got an early Valentine wish from a college friend, Art. Then several text Valentine messages: my ex-husband, a highschool friend who found me on FB admitting he had a crush on me, mom mom, another friend, "just my friend", Art, and a friend who wants to take me to Vegas (all in that order).Thanks to all... I missed the days before texting when people actually communicated. Texting takes out the personal touch and makes you do only enough to keep in touch.

What happened when guys impressed girls? Remember back in the day when dudes used to make a tape of songs for his girl to express his feelings? It's nothing more exciting that putting in that cassette and hearing Roger blare "Girl, I wanna be your man..." through the speakers ending with "Make It Last Forever" with Keith Sweat. That's ol' skool romance.

Yeah,  I won't reflect on the ol' skool memories too long since folks have matured and progressed from thinking out of the box. But, I sure do miss the way that we expressed our feelings back when we were younger. Yep, today was Valentine's Day.

Tomorrow is my brother's birthday. He would be turning 41 if he was still alive. I sure do miss him. I would call him if he was still alive, instead of texting him. Man, I wish I could hear his voice just one more time so that I could tell him that I love him. I'm sorry...I can't do this right now. I never knew how much it would hurt to never see him or my daddy ever again. This is not where I wanted this blog to go. I can't stop crying right now. I didn't know that these feelings were so close to the surface. I'm sorry...I can't stop crying right now...just tell someone you love them.

Peace.

My brother, Bryant.

Darn It!

I was doing good with my nutrition and work out plan. I had my morning workouts and evenings full of Zumba (I'm a certified Zumba instructor, ya'll). But then, BAM! I caught a bug and was out for the count. And then, BAM the Girl Scout cookies came. Okay, let me admit it. I fell off the wagon. But starting Monday, I'm dusting myself off and getting back to work. It's on like Donkey Kong! (Remember when we used to say that?)

My motto: Don't quit - never, ever give up!

The other night...

"just my friend" picked me up to take me to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Company. (I love dance and theatre!) Anyway, he - also known as "just my friend" - was on his cell phone helping a distressed co-worker. Well, she wasn't really that distressed because the conversation was rambling about the same thing at one point, but it was all about work. Hmph! With my prodding, "just my friend" ended the call with an excuse like, "I've got to pick my daughter up now" or something like that.

Oh, this did not sit well with me. I thought of many phrases he could have said to get him off the call. For example, "I'm sorry, I have to end this call now, but if you have more questions we can discuss them tomorrow at work..." or "My friend is coming, I apologize to have to cut our conversation short..." Anything other than making me feel less than a "friend" and putting our meeting off as him picking up his daughter! Come on!

Let me give a little background on "just my friend." He is a loyal friend (I know, I can hear you, "he wasn't too loyal if he had to lie about you) who I hang out with from time to time. He also helps with those manly repairs that I need fixed around the house and he even taught my daughter how to ride her bike. He teases and questions me about my secret crushes I've blogged about or the dates I've had since I've known him and how I never talk or blog about him.

So, I said to him... "that [the phone call] is exactly why I don't talk about you to anyone. As a friend, it seems as if keep me hidden. We're friends and you couldn't say, "gotta go, my friend is here,"? I get excited about Myrhh (the vegan) and Damian (the guy at church) because of the mystery. There could be a possibility with them. But with you, there are no possibilities, nothing to explore. I've shut that idea out of my head so you are "just my friend." AND, with that little comment you made to your co-worker, it reminds me that you are and will only be "just my friend."

I know...he is a man and sometimes they don't think. Trust me, I punished him a long time with my tongue and attitude, but I think and hope he got the point. If "just my friend" wants to remain "a friend" then we definitely have to work on allowing our friendship room to grow. I talk about all of my friends. There is a source of confidence and pride when we share achievements, timelines, conversations, especially with others. So, why are we, "just my friend" and me, not allowing that in our friendship? Good question.

Are you taking notes...my friend?

Zizi's Vegan Restaurant

I received an email from Myrrh (like myrrh and frankincense) about the specials that he was having at his restuarant. I appreciated that my secret crush reached out to me, but I know that he had to include all the hundreds of others on his mailing list so that he wouldn't show favoritism. I totally get it...no problem.

The other day I decided to take him up on his offer and when I got there, he was in the back being all mysterious. Lo' and behold, he had an international television show about veganism/vegetarianism there interviewing him. Now, let me put Myrhh aside for a second. While waiting for our food, Caroline introduced me to her station, http://www.suprememastertv.com/. And asked if she could interview us on being vegetarian. I declined, but Dove agreed. I'm telling ya'll, I was so proud of Dove for speaking so articulately and direct as she ansered the questions. My baby explained how, "...when we eat meat then we are ingesting the growth hormones and antibiotics that they inject in the animals..." Go Dove!

By this time, Myrhh came to the counter and watched the interview. He was impressed with her as well. Dove shared with the interviewer that, "my mother is a vegan, but I'm still a vegetarian because I like cheese." Caroline asked if she was willing to try some vegan cheese to see if they could be a supplement instead of what she's been eating. Dove agreed and without any prompting, Myrhh went to the back and brought out some vegan cheese that he uses and gave it to her. And, he went back a second time and brought out Tofutti cream cheese for her as well. I smiled...inside and out.

Thanks Myrhh for showing us a little favoritism...it definitely made me smile inside and out.

Choose Happiness

I have to admit, my last few blogs have been dreary with drama from my family. However, its important for me to not get stuck in a rut of negative emotion. Hence, this blog...

Jim, a good friend of mine, shared with me how he traveled all the way to his doctor's office for his appointment only to find that he was there on the wrong day. The scheduler wrote 2/1/10 instead of 2/11/10 on his appointment reminder card. He left there irritated for having to take time out of his schedule to find that he would have to redo it all over again. As he was walking back home, he saw an old lady with a bright smile. She was waiting at the crosswalk in her wheelchair and missing her legs. He thought, "here I am holding on to irritation and complaints while this lady without legs is sitting here smiling." Jim quickly gave himself a reality check and chose to change his mood to one of gratitude.

That reminded me of an episode of Monk. One of the episodes, Lieutenant Randy Disher took a group of kids on a camping trip. Monk was miserable out in nature with bugs and all of his other fears. He asked Disher how he could remain to stay upbeat with mosquitoes and gnats, etc. Disher replied, "I saw a bumper sticker that said 'Choose Happiness' and realized it was a choice. And, I decided to choose happiness."

It's that simple. I know it is possible because when I went to Guatemala, I saw families without electricity, games, luxuries, outside bathrooms, etc. smiling as they waited for hours as the medical team provided needed assistance. Village after village I saw women/children/men happy without toys, name brand clothes, luxury cars, and status standing content with the little that they have.

If you don't believe me, watch how the children of Haiti are singing and making their own toys out of cardboard, string and other what-nots that they find in the street. Watch them sing and play as they choose to be happy even in the midst of devastation.

Today, I will not let others affect my emotions. Today, I will choose happiness.

This is one person who always chooses happiness. She lets things just flow. Her smile makes me happy.

I'm getting too old -

for drama! Whether it be in my family, relationships, friendships, or on the job. It doesn't matter where it comes from, but I do know that I'm getting too damn old for it.

My life is simple with just my daughter and me. We laugh, do school work, workout...just live simply. Over the recent years I have had drama at my job, Bank of America until depression paralyzed me and I could no longer work for the company. I had a little misunderstanding with a friend. There has also been drama with family members when my Grandmother decided to relocate to the South. And, unfortunately I have new drama and it is killing me.

Drama disrupts my thoughts and distracts me from what is really important in my life like completing my manuscript, creativity, and happiness. It drains me of laughter as everyone fights for the last word to just "get it off their chest." That's just too damn much.

I'd rather snuggle in the warm spot in my bed and watch drama unfold on the television. The Housewives of Atlanta provide plenty of drama. As a matter of fact, they are way too old for drama. They are 40 plus years old and fight, gossip, complain, fake nice and spit venom behind each other's backs. Ugh, because NeNe brought the drama and I couldn't stand her for being so fake and trying to play Kandi! And, I felt for Kandi having drama at home with her man and mama. And, I was on the edge of my seat watching the almost cat fight between Kim and the narcissitic chic that thinks everyone is intimidated by her success (yeah right!)Yeah, let them handle mess because they're getting paid for it. Plus, they get to be treated like celebrities.

There are too many television shows based on drama. Pick any reality show: I love New York/Flava Flav, Survivor, America's Next Top Model, For the Love of Ray J, etc. They all have a method to their madness, a goal that they are shooting for like money, fame, or fraudulent love.

But me? I'm like Mary J. Blige, I don't want "No More Drama" unless a major network contacted me for their show and I'm getting paid for it on national television. But then, there still has to be some guidelines because even some of that drama is not good.

This makes me think? Are we really ever too old for drama? And, when is enough enough?

I Pray that my daugher

treats me good in my old age. I really do. I'm watching how this thing is unfolding with my Granny. And, I'm sure she has planted love and unity in her children, but not sure if she is quite reaping what she sowed. It makes me think, I do hope that my daughter wants to be around me as much as I enjoy being around her now.

Let me let you in on a little secret. I don't want to grow old alone. It's a scary thought to be that old person who can't get out of the tub. I think that's one of the driving forces for me wanting a mate (besides the thought of unrepented sex.) Okay...moving on. If I am blessed to have a long life, I want my family (as Kesha defined - see yesterday's post) and friends around me. But, I want my daughter to be there to love on me, play in my hair and sit with me. More importantly, I want her to want to do those things.

These are things that I want to do with my Granny, without feeling overwhelmed or forced to. So, to restore balance in my life (I don't need extra stress because it causes weight gain in the mid-section and gray hair, all which I don't need more of) I emailed my family to let them know that I won't be able to assist my Granny in the coming weeks (due to my schedule change and location of work). And, she'll need their help. Etc.

A friend said that I would need to stick to my word. But, I can't fathom neglecting my grandmother in any kind of way. You know what it's like? It's like wanting to rescue your baby who is lying in the crib crying her/his eyes out, but in your heart you know you have to teach them to go to sleep, but listening to the sobs is killing you. It's not the punishment, but the lesson. Oh gosh, I just heard a voice saying, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." I thought it was a tomfoolery then, but there is truth in that statement. It took me almost 40 years to understand it. 

Isn't she the cutest thing? Well, all of us are hot!

My Family Life

is playing out like a good drama. Trust me, I'm keeping notes for it will make a good book one day. It's filled with hidden secrets, deceit, scandal. Yes! This mess is a blessing in disguise. By the time I reach 41, hopefully that manuscript will be done. I'm working on one now and need to complete it, plus the drama hasn't totally unfolded yet. Hmmm...what would make a good title? Soul Food -- nope that has already been used. Any suggestions?

A Few Good Quotes - Zig Zigler

"Kids will do what they see thier parents and other adults doing. They are natural mimics."

"Circumstances don't create character, they reveal character."

"You'll never know when a helping hand will change another person's entire life."

"There is a direct correlation with what you do and what you receive."

"What you are speaks so loudly that I can't hear what you're saying."

Thank goodness we can't choose our family members

because I'd be frustrated with myself for having made such bad decisions! My friend Kesha taught me, "as far as the love and family, honey family is comprised of the people that love you most not blood so really you choose your family." Thank you, sister.

Okay, here's the deal. My Granny's three daughter's don't get along. The middle one (*Kate) and youngest (*Cheryl) don't care for the oldest (*Sophia). They say that Sophia and husband are control freaks, money hungry, manipulatice, etc. I was tired of their bickering, which I stayed out of. Like Rodney King, "can't we all just get along?"

Now, fast forward. Granny has been talking about moving to Charlotte because Sophia suggested it a year back. The plan was, Sophia was to stay several months during the winter so that they both could escape the harsh winters of Detroit. Granny was sold on the idea especially after her sister died. Sophia talked her into moving into a two bedroom apartment (not a Senior's resident home) so that they could share an apartment. All of the bills are too much for Granny's SS check. I assisted Sophia in getting the lease signed, utilities turned on, etc. Everyone fought Granny on this move, "she's too old", "she needs medical assistance" and "she shouldn't be left alone." It was drama filled and no one listened to each other, just fought.

Skip a bit...now that Granny is here, where is Sophia? Sophia showed up one time when Granny's SS check arrived for the first time. Bought Granny a few groceries, but didn't really stock her up on anything. Sophia has used every excuse on not coming down here. Family say that she and husband took power of attorney over my Great Aunt's estate and inherited a load. But, no one knows how much, not even Granny -- her own sister. Hmmm...that is very suspicious.

Anyway, Sophia sent an email, without the decency to call me since it was marked urgent, on what Granny needed. What nerve? (I might add, my ex-husband moved my Granny down here for cheaper than their movers and she got very upset with me because she tried to manipulate him to bring her stuff without extra pay. She pretty much stopped being my best friend, no more phone calls. At that point, I could understand what Kate and Cheryl were talking about.)

I was more upset with Sophia trying to handle me. As I reflected back on the whole ordeal, she only contacted me when she needed me. Point is (isn't it always about the point?) she reneged on her word. She sent Granny down here without assisting on getting her set-up. Not understanding that my schedule isn't as flexible to check on her daily nor is my budget free to fill in the gaps needed to help her live comfortably. Not once has she contacted me to see if things were okay with Granny's transition. What was the point, Sophia? Did you in fact take all of our Great-Aunt's money and shipped ol' Gran down here to get her out of your hair? Wouldn't her own sister leave her some inheritance? I don't care about any money, but I care about the point...honestly, integrity, and standing on your word.

Ugh, family is trying to get me caught up in this mess. Heck no, family - this is a group effort! I'm grown now so I can say what I want. I've earned a few stripes to enable me to articulate my thoughts. Hmph! I refuse to be put in the middle of this war between family. I was fine on my own with my child all the way down here in Charlotte, out of the way of words and accusations. Wait, I think they are all trying to handle me! Yep, it's time that I speak up and let them all know that they need to take care of their mother and set their petty differences aside. I can't do this alone. There is no time for "out of sight, out of mind." (Yeah, they're playing that game right now.)

Hmph! Like an old friend used to say, "You can't spit on me and tell me it's raining."

My bucket list for age 40

1. I want to wear a bikini by my birthday. I tried on my a bra and panty set tonight to see how close I was to my goal. Heck, I've been working out and done a few sit-ups (my ego was obviously speaking over reason). Yeah...let's just say that I've got some work to do before I go bikini shopping.

2. One of the two times that I was sent to camp, I experienced some risk-taking-fear-facing challenges. One of them were zip lines and now that I've found that there are zip lines here in NC, I'm adding it to my list.

3. Learn to swim. I know, I know! I've heard it all before but no, I don't know how to swim! I've been in the pool with friends and all I could do was stand in the 4 ft. section. Whateva! And no, it wasn't fun being the only person in flight attendant training breaking down (with anxiety) in the pool as we simulated emergency water landings.

4. Learn to ride a motorcycle. I have too many friends fighting me on this objective that I may have to postpone it. "It's too dangerous." Yeah, I know...I've heard. But, I still daydream of me riding through the countryside on my Honda Shadow.

Okay, I need to think bigger. My bucket list has to be more risk taking like parasailing, riding in a hot air balloon (I'm not skydiving so forget that!), try out for America's Next Top Model (short models edition), stalk Oprah to get on her show, meet President Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle Obama, deliver a baby...yeah, stuff like that.

Let me revise my bucket list and see if I can get more daring. Life is too short for me to hold back. I know, because the year pass by as if it were only two months long -- and 40 would be here before I know it.

Father time please stop for just a second.

Good Quote

"Criticism is bad for your liver and anger makes your armpits stink. Grumpiness puts ugly wrinkles all over your face and there is absolutely nothing beautiful, attractive or remotely empowering about being a complainer." Tera from RawDivas.com