Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Okay so...

I was walking into a workout gym, with my cousin and daughter. It was a beautiful day, my skin was glowing and I was in a very confident mood. As we pulled the door open, the exit door opened at the same time and the gutest guy with a Hercules body flagged me down...BAM! No, really that's his nickname, Bam. His eyes bounced with so much excitement that it caught me off guard. I mean, I recognized him, but he seemed a little too happy to see me.

"Hey, how are you? Wait, you know her, too?" I said, pointing to my cousin because obviously, in my eyes, he had to be talking to her. You see, I've always been the cute friend type, so I had to shake myself back into confidence.

"No, I'm talking to you," he smiled. I hadn't seen him in a long time and he still had his infectious smile and his muscles grew a little larger and stronger. "What's been going on?" He asked and we exchanged pleasantries. I introduced him to my cousin and he nodded politely towards her and said that we should catch up. Wow, he wanted to catch up with me? Cool...he recognized all of this fabulousness on the inside and outside of me!

There was chatter amongst us girls at how fine he was. I'm not looking for anyone, but I wouldn't turn him down, I thought. I tickled myself at the thought of how I would feign busy when he called with my too busy life to bother with such a cute guy, just like they suggest in the magazines, right?

He called me that same night - a Saturday night! I found out how he wanted to chill because he attended a funeral of his friend. Aww, he called to talk about it. He wanted me to comfort him, awww...

"So, tell me about your cousin, what's up with her?" Huh? My cousin? WTH?!

I stuttered, "Uh, she's married." Blah, blah, blah...about my cousin. "Oh, I'll tell her you asked about her," I said sardonically. How dare you take my number to purposely call me about my cousin! You should have said something to her right then- that's tacky!

"Yeah, tell her I asked about her...maybe we three could end up in the same place at the same time..."

What are you talking about dude? "Didn't you see that big rock on her hand...she's married..." I had to remind him. I mean, I was disgusted because not only did he trick me into thinking that he wanted to catch up with me, but he intentionally got my number to get hooked up with my cousin. Do grown men do that still? I thought only high school boys did that mess! And, it's disgusting that he wanted to still connect with her and not respect her married status, ewww! And, try to use me to connect them! Double eewww! I'll tell you something Mr. Bam, all your fineness turned icky with your nastiness - just nasty!

I should have known...I have always been the "who's your friend?" girl. Yep, it has always been "Hey Alicia, what's up with you? By the way, who's your friend?" Whatever! I'm giving notice - I'm a grown woman and not the cute little girl anymore if you haven't noticed Mr. Bam! Don't ask me nothing about my friends because I'm too sexy for you. I'm fabulous. All this darn exercising and he was trying to play me as the cute friend - whateva!

I wish he would call me. I'm ready for him. "Yeah, I told my cousin. She thought you were cute, but you're NOT HER TYPE!" I relish in the thought is unleashing those rejecting words. Yeah, she's not into your boulder crushing muscles. If you haven't heard - they're out of style....we're going for the lean muscled look! How about that?!


  1. ROTFLMBO!! You are so hilarious, waiting for the story of when you bump into him again!

  2. Wow! That's all I can say...WOW!...Well, I can say more. Obviously you don't need a relationship holding you back or slowing you down right now. You are much more joyful and determined than that. And as for your boy, and I do mean "boy" he was not worth your time, creativity or energy. Good thing you saw what he was all about from the beginning instead of getting involved with him and discovering this insanity after your emotions were invested. Unbelievable!