You are fabulous!

As I was preparing for a night of "get-togethers" with friends, I labored over what to wear. Skinny jeans slipped over my thighs and buttoned around my waist. Shimmied in my black top that was sassy and flirty. Heels, yes indeed, but wait, do I want to wear them all night? Heck naw! For who or whom, shall I say? How about ballerina shoes, yep, that's much more practical and comfortable.

Twist and turn in the mirror and hold up, wait a minute? Where did that come from? That bloated belly protuding out around my waist! How could that be? Have I had too much sodium? I thought about stuffing myself into my Body Magic (lose three inches instantly) girdle, but I didn't feel like sweating and fighting with that thing. Nor did I want to wear it all night long, in case someone tried to hug me, you know? So, I put on a fake girdle, but it didn't do much. Ugh!

Later, as some of us ladies gathered to eat and network, we stood talking about liking ourselves, or bodies in particular. Yes, we could stand around and wish we had someone else's abs, lean legs, toned arms, apple bottom bootie, but why? Why focus on what you don't have and just love what you do? We all agreed. I for one, am getting too old and sexy to be worried about what I don't have instead of taking my days and loving my natural locs, wide smile, short waist, and nice legs...the good and the things I'd change when I was young and insecure. Shucks, I work out too hard and lived through too much to not be loving all of me!

On a side note, ever wonder how big women get all the men? I look at my cousin (pictured left) who is a big woman, but has no problem getting guys. Why? A lot of them are so confident in their own skin. Look at Mo'Nique! We can gleen that confidence from them.

Anyhoo, as the night progressed. Another woman was talking about how her co-worker dresses upscale at work as if she is fresh off of the set of Sex in the City. She said, "She would be the fabulous side of me," as if she could choose an alter ego. A friend responded simply, "No, you're the fabulous side of you."

I like that. "I'm the fabulous side of me."

It's On!!!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

What could I do if it were not for fear?

Would I climb the highest mountain

or swim across the sea?

I have desires in my heart to try, oh,

so many things

To live life to the fullest and not

just in my dreams.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear

Woulda', coulda', shoulda' is our worst enemies

But mark my words this very day that

I will, I'll try and I must will

definitely lead my way.

I just made that up. :)

Auditions to teach with Queen City Dancing Queen was this week. I built all this nervous energy inside of me for no reason. I could do this! I've been dancing my heart out for the past year several times a week. But, fear was trying to paralyze me and honestly, I had nothing to fear (but fear itself and that's the truth.)

After my private audition on Monday, all auditionees were going to have to audition in front of a live class on Friday. We all would see who our competitors were. Although I believe that there is no competition in the spiritual world, what is meant for you will be for you. Being a spiritual person, I truly believe that if it is meant for you then forces will align correctly to make things work in your favor. Hmph! And, even while knowing this in my heart, I had the nerve to allow trepidations to creap in my spirit.

Well, enough of that. I did it! I auditioned and I rocked it! I danced to Boro Boro (a bhangra song) and Church by T-Pain. And, I took 'em to church as I pumped, jumped, shook my booty and all that! (See my blog about the Alvin Ailey dancers).

Everyone will know by April 30th if they're accepted in the instructor training program for QCDC. Stay tuned.

"Why she let her out of the house like that?"

Those are the words that I don't want you to whisper. I'm just letting ya'll know that I gave Dove notice a month in advance that I will not be reminding her to do certain things...certain "housekeeping" things. So, please don't remind me or tell me that I let her out the house looking crazy.

Since she was old enough to walk and talk, I have groomed Dove to be responsible. Hey, I'm a single mom so I consider us a team. There are certain expectations that I have for her that she should be responsible to maintain. So, on our chore board I have written what I will not remind her to do for the entire month of April...call it tough love.

I will not remind her to put on deoderant. She should know this by now! I'm so tired of her getting dressed and me asking, "Did you point on deoderant?" and I get the lazy, "Oh, I forgot." How do you forget? It's right there in front of you! So, I'm just waiting for the time when some kid says, "You stink!" That will teach her to put deoderant on daily.

I won't be reminding her to clean her ears, inside and behind them. I'm exhausted of riding in the car and lovingly looking over at her and seeing the wax roll out of her ears down onto her earlobes! Ugh-yuck! Don't you feel that? After making the list on the board, do you think that she made an effort to clean her ears? Hello, it's mid-April and the potatoes are harvesting!

Please don't say that I let her come out of the house without lotion on her legs. It's not my fault that she puts on shorts and her legs looks like she's been playing in flour. Nope, because I'm on vacation from reminding her to do simple things that she's been learning to do since what? 3 years old. You'd think my brilliant baby would have watched me lotion or shea butter my body and picked up on the habit. Hey, there is still hope she's "only" ten.

And, although it kills me to see her lips chalky white or chapped and bleeding as she picks them...I will not, well I'll try not to force her to moisturize her lips. I hate when my lips are dry, but maybe she doesn't realize it. Bless her heart. She has over a dozen tubes of lip gloss, but doesn't use them. I won't be wasting my dead presidents on that little vice any longer.

Allergy season has wreaked havoc on us. Year after year, I have found myself saying, "Why do you keep rubbing your eyes instead of putting drops in them...when will you decide to take your meds without me telling you to do so?" Without the reminders, I'm curious if she'll finally say to herself, "Hey, my eyes itch maybe I'll go and put some drops in them so that my eyes won't itch and burn...la-la-la-la-la..." It's funny, my sweetie carries around this big purse and has allergy supplies in them, but won't take them out and use them. I think it's the novelty of having them in her purse or something. What is that about?

It's only mid-April and my vacation will be over soon. Just in case you see us this month, don't point your finger at me and think I'm neglectful. Don't threaten me with a call to DSS. No, I'm just taking a break - got it. But, feel free to encourage her to be responsible and take care of herself. My sweet darling just hasn't taken that initiative to do so yet.

But, she will...eventually.

My Granny said I could get a motorcycle!

I've been wanting a motorcycle for a couple of years. It shows such a sense of freedom and badassness. I love it! I watch my cousin as she rides her bike to our exercise class - it is hotness at a different level.

I remember a couple of years ago when I saw this woman on a Trike and I said, "I want to do that." Except, I want a bike, not a trike. So, Tracee (my best friend) says, "No way, you can get killed....it's too dangerous." Her mantra sounds like the ol' "you'll poke your eye out" line from a Christmas Story. Yeah, even driving in a car is dangerous!

So, I told my Granny about my desire to get a motorcycle and she swooned, "You go girl."

"Granny, will you ride with me when I get one," I asked.

"Yep, I sure will," she smiled. We both know that her knees won't allow her to get on it, but we both found ourselves dreaming of the wind whipping across our face as we'd ride down the country road. The other day we saw two motorcylces in the parking lot and I said, "There's my motorcylce, Granny." And, we found ourselves admiring them as the owners came out. Carrie, a Harley owner, encouraged me to live my dreams and not to live in fear. My dreams...live my dreams...live my life to the fullest.

Why do we always worry of the bad things that could possibly happen? Why don't we ever focus on the good that could possibly occur. Hmmm? Good question.

Instead of saying, "Don't crawl because you'll fall if you try to walk" try "Crawl because if you do, you'd be able to walk one day"...that's a thought.

(My Granny and Carrie)

Okay so...

I was walking into a workout gym, with my cousin and daughter. It was a beautiful day, my skin was glowing and I was in a very confident mood. As we pulled the door open, the exit door opened at the same time and the gutest guy with a Hercules body flagged me down...BAM! No, really that's his nickname, Bam. His eyes bounced with so much excitement that it caught me off guard. I mean, I recognized him, but he seemed a little too happy to see me.

"Hey, how are you? Wait, you know her, too?" I said, pointing to my cousin because obviously, in my eyes, he had to be talking to her. You see, I've always been the cute friend type, so I had to shake myself back into confidence.

"No, I'm talking to you," he smiled. I hadn't seen him in a long time and he still had his infectious smile and his muscles grew a little larger and stronger. "What's been going on?" He asked and we exchanged pleasantries. I introduced him to my cousin and he nodded politely towards her and said that we should catch up. Wow, he wanted to catch up with me? Cool...he recognized all of this fabulousness on the inside and outside of me!

There was chatter amongst us girls at how fine he was. I'm not looking for anyone, but I wouldn't turn him down, I thought. I tickled myself at the thought of how I would feign busy when he called with my too busy life to bother with such a cute guy, just like they suggest in the magazines, right?

He called me that same night - a Saturday night! I found out how he wanted to chill because he attended a funeral of his friend. Aww, he called to talk about it. He wanted me to comfort him, awww...

"So, tell me about your cousin, what's up with her?" Huh? My cousin? WTH?!

I stuttered, "Uh, she's married." Blah, blah, blah...about my cousin. "Oh, I'll tell her you asked about her," I said sardonically. How dare you take my number to purposely call me about my cousin! You should have said something to her right then- that's tacky!

"Yeah, tell her I asked about her...maybe we three could end up in the same place at the same time..."

What are you talking about dude? "Didn't you see that big rock on her hand...she's married..." I had to remind him. I mean, I was disgusted because not only did he trick me into thinking that he wanted to catch up with me, but he intentionally got my number to get hooked up with my cousin. Do grown men do that still? I thought only high school boys did that mess! And, it's disgusting that he wanted to still connect with her and not respect her married status, ewww! And, try to use me to connect them! Double eewww! I'll tell you something Mr. Bam, all your fineness turned icky with your nastiness - just nasty!

I should have known...I have always been the "who's your friend?" girl. Yep, it has always been "Hey Alicia, what's up with you? By the way, who's your friend?" Whatever! I'm giving notice - I'm a grown woman and not the cute little girl anymore if you haven't noticed Mr. Bam! Don't ask me nothing about my friends because I'm too sexy for you. I'm fabulous. All this darn exercising and he was trying to play me as the cute friend - whateva!

I wish he would call me. I'm ready for him. "Yeah, I told my cousin. She thought you were cute, but you're NOT HER TYPE!" I relish in the thought is unleashing those rejecting words. Yeah, she's not into your boulder crushing muscles. If you haven't heard - they're out of style....we're going for the lean muscled look! How about that?!

Glad I'm Single...

I know, I know...this is a far cry from my previous blogs. But, I am glad because I'm enjoying the journey of newness that I'm embarking on this year. I would hate to have someone hold me back or limit me in any way, especially in the name of love.

But, the real reason why I'm glad that I'm single? Shucks, I would have to cut a fool for some of the things these men are doing today. Seriously, you would see me on the Oxygen channel being featured on an episode of Snapped.

It's bad enough that Tiger Woods went full out with his scandal of cheating with numerous women. He lacks diversity in his selection, but that's another blog. Anyhoo, he was dipping out of his marriage for a long time during their short commitment. I'd be darn if I had to get an HIV test because of a cheating husband! And, talk about getting tested...check out the chicks Jesse James was cheating with. Poor Sandra Bullock...

I mean these women were probably giving their all or at least staying faithful. And, to have the wool pulled over their eyes, come on! I know how it feels, trust me. I found my ex with his arms around another girl smiling boldly and proudly on his MySpace page. He didn't cop out with a sex-addiction excuse, he just denied the whole thing altogether. "Um, she just showed me how to build a page, that's all..." Puhlease, you build freakin' computers, give me a break, bruh. That, too, is another blog.

Oh, I digressed...so, the blog...the man with the charming smile, Tiki Barber, ex-NFL player left his pregnant wife of twins for a 23-year old intern! Come on, he walked away from a woman who has been by his side since college for a young, 23 year old. Are you serious, Tiki!? Really? What do you all talk about? Nothing, because you wouldn't have anything in common...well except...any-hoo...

And, remember the modelesque beauty from The Jamie Foxx Show, Garcelle Beauvis? Yeah, her husband had been dipping out for five years before he was just recently caught. And, they have a set of twin boys that will now be caught in the scandal. But, Garcelle got a little bit of revenge by blasting his affair via email to all his co-workers. It's not much, but it could have eased a little bit of her pain. No, not really...there's no justice there.

Is sex really worth walking from a relationship? Or, is it sex or not? I really need to know why do people put a solid relationship at risk like that? Not only their relationships and families, but their health? Hello, HIV is very much active! If you've got the answer, please tell me. Otherwise, I'll be watching Oxygen to analyze the snapping point of these women.

I'm so tired...

Why do I, year after year, wait until the last minute to work on my taxes?! I hate this procrastination thing I have going on. My eyes are burning, my head is pounding and it's only been 17 minutes into the process! No, just kidding, it's been more like an hour, but still... This kind of paperwork is not for creative souls.

So, I'll be retiring soon. I'm tired.

Oh yeah, I talked to my mom today. She's excited because we're going on a cruise in the fall - me, her and Dove. I'm giddy, too. I've purchased two tankini's, not quite ready for a bikini. I hope we can go parasailing and snorkeling on our trip. Anyway, she wants to get her navel pierced. Ha! That would be something to see. She's twice a grandmother and going to get her belly-button pierced - go head! Hmmm...maybe I should one up her? I'll get my navel pierced and another tattoo. Hmmm...naw, just kidding. I'm not that competitive.

Yesterday, I was a tad bit too competitive as I went to Queen City Dancing Queen's "Make It A Party" Dance workshop. All those who wanted to be a better instructor or even audition to be an instructor with QCDC attended (as well as those who just wanted to attend). I wanted to show my stuff and each time I tried to shine, I messed up. Hilarious! I started on the wrong foot, mirrored incorrectly, etc. As sorors said when we pledged back in college, "Oh, you're trying to be like Windex and shine." Well folks, yesterday I streaked! Too funny...

Well, my eyes are burning and I'm tired so PEACE!