I'm sitting here trying to focus on my writing, but I can't because the same thoughts keep swirling in my head. The way I look at it, I have several choices: let them keep swirling and stay distracted, get the journal out and write it all down or just blog about it as part of my transparent evolution. Lucky for you, I chose to blog it.
My mom has always told me that I will never have a man because I am to hard on them. My retort was, "I just don't like excuses." The men in my family never reached their full potential because of excuses. So, when I called my friends' friend to invite him out to share my friend's birthday he gave me a few reasons on why he couldn't come: my girl can't make it...I know ya'll want to be alone...I'm gonna' let ya'll share your intimate moment." All these "reasons" fell flat because it was an invitation to join a celebration. So, when I later ran into both my friend and his friend and brought up the event, the reason changed to "I've got plans." Wait, when? That was a new "reason." When I questioned him he said, "Hey, can't you handle her?" Or something to that fact. What? Handle me? That took me back to something a pimp would say.
I must admit that my pre-menstrual hormones kicked in and an attitude instantly swelled up. Instead of tripping, I decided to take myself out of the equation and leave. Simply exit before I said something inappropriate. What set me off? First, the excuses. I never expected this person to be full of excuses. Secondly, the passive line of "handle her." Not something a man should say to another man in front of a lady. Never.
I traveled to another event that I was invited to and got my attitude under control. If I was to celebrate my friend's birthday then I needed to check myself. Later my friend questioned me about my whereabouts and with whom. This was nothing unusual because he is a questioner of all things. However, if I was to question him then defenses would have shot up like a brick wall. "Why you questioning me?" We've talked about this and we both know it's true.
So, after all of the fun festivities of the night, my friend had a major attitude adjustment. Which left me wondering, "What the heck?" And, this made me question a few things. Why would someone who doesn't verbally admit his feelings or want a relationship even care what I do? What was the mood swing for? Why as grown adults do we just bury these thoughts and feelings instead of talking about them? Are the boundaries of our friendship being crossed and we're not admitting to it? Again, I know what my attitude change was about, but what about his? Should I even ask or let it go? Was my mother right all this time? Why the heck am I wasting time thinking about this crap for?
As you can see, I could spend my precious time asking questions and not writing, or I can just blog about it and let it go. I blogged it so hopefully I'll come to a resolution and let it go. Ah, woosah!
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